On this particular day, I was minding my own business when this man had the audacity to disturb my peace to ask me about some place. I just pointed to the direction of that said place and went on my own business. But no, he reversed and said he didn't get me well. So I told him to follow me. I took the opportunity to check him out and oh mi God, I apologized to myself for being a brat. He was such a catch.
During that short trip, we talked about how he just moved into the neighborhood and how he was loving the place. We exchanged numbers and both went our separate ways. In my head I kept thinking, a guy with such perfect physical attributes must either be a fuck boy or player or a ladies man. We all know ladies men are womanizers. So I decided to treat him as nothing serious. Shock on me.
As time went by, it dawned on us that we really really liked each other and so the ninja asked me to be his girl. That was another shocker cause how even? I was a simple introverted weirdo who had nothing much going on while he was a successful gentleman with a bit of a hyped up personality but oh well, here we were venturing into this journey of being exclusive. You must be wondering why did I short change myself? Coz he was too good to be true. I mean where do you get these men who are just what you need? A man who values you, a man who treats you right, a man who is ready and willing to invest in you. Jackpot.
I must say, it was my best relationship. For once in my life I never felt wasted for being with a man in my life. I didn't regret anything. I was happy and most importantly I enjoyed the relationship. We did have our bad days, just like any other couple, but the good outweighed the ugly. This was a man who woke up everyday to lift me up, cheer me on, encourage me and just love me. I can say I had it all. Not that he was 100% perfect but he was just perfect for me. You know? And so for almost two years, my life was full of bliss of what true love felt like.
We then reached to that point we had to answer the hard questions about our relationship. Where were we headed? Were we really honest about ourselves? Do we really want the same things from life? And even if we do is it on the same timeline. And so as it turned out we were actually not on the same page. Yes we loved each other, we enjoyed each others company we had fun together but timelines didn't work for us. We wanted same things on different times.
New relationships are fun till you get to the point where you both realize this is not it or maybe one of you gets that realization. You convince yourself to try harder till you give up and say "we tried". You then feel guilty for giving up or you feel like shit about yourself for them giving up on you. You ask you so many questions coz I mean you were good together but you realize thats what you saw and not them. You never thought they would make that sacrifice. You finally decide to let go coz you realize at some point you were holding on and it was wrong. You turn a new page, "head for the road" and start living your life.
I've come to understand the importance of actually being on the same page. Especially on terms of interests, values and time. I've learnt its important to have same values rather than interests. We could both have same interests but different values changes many things. Interests can be compromised on but values not that much. Like if you both love hiking, you want to go hiking on a Saturday but it would be hard coz one of you has to go to church. You get? You want babies but he doesn't like kids but you both enjoy same hobbies. Also you might want to settle now but she's not yet ready for that..you won't force someone right? Timelines.
Breakups suck even if it was on good terms. It actually sucks more coz there's nothing really to be mad about. You can't hate them. You can't love them any less. If you think about it, its for the best. I mean where do people go when they say goodbye? You get over it and life goes on. It gets to the point you stop feeling sorry for the situation and actually be glad for your freedom.
There's no point of "fixing" something you know too well you can't fix. If its not fixable or rather if the other party is not willing to fix it, drop it there and leave it alone. With time you'll figure out how to stop stressing, how to live without them, and just let it shed off. Like dead skin..you know? Choose you first and do you. Sometimes you think to yourself, that if you were able to get something that legit and still lost it, then what's the point? Then I remember my mum's best advise "If you got something good and God took it away, then it means He's just about to give you something much much better."
To end this with the words of the great Onyango Otieno, "No matter how much you love or want someone, no amount of overcompensating or overstretching yourself will convince them to choose you if they're not ready. Even if y'all already dating."
"I know, you know, we know, you weren't down for forever and it's fine. I know, you know, we know, we weren't meant for each other and it's fine"
As time went by, it dawned on us that we really really liked each other and so the ninja asked me to be his girl. That was another shocker cause how even? I was a simple introverted weirdo who had nothing much going on while he was a successful gentleman with a bit of a hyped up personality but oh well, here we were venturing into this journey of being exclusive. You must be wondering why did I short change myself? Coz he was too good to be true. I mean where do you get these men who are just what you need? A man who values you, a man who treats you right, a man who is ready and willing to invest in you. Jackpot.
I must say, it was my best relationship. For once in my life I never felt wasted for being with a man in my life. I didn't regret anything. I was happy and most importantly I enjoyed the relationship. We did have our bad days, just like any other couple, but the good outweighed the ugly. This was a man who woke up everyday to lift me up, cheer me on, encourage me and just love me. I can say I had it all. Not that he was 100% perfect but he was just perfect for me. You know? And so for almost two years, my life was full of bliss of what true love felt like.
We then reached to that point we had to answer the hard questions about our relationship. Where were we headed? Were we really honest about ourselves? Do we really want the same things from life? And even if we do is it on the same timeline. And so as it turned out we were actually not on the same page. Yes we loved each other, we enjoyed each others company we had fun together but timelines didn't work for us. We wanted same things on different times.
New relationships are fun till you get to the point where you both realize this is not it or maybe one of you gets that realization. You convince yourself to try harder till you give up and say "we tried". You then feel guilty for giving up or you feel like shit about yourself for them giving up on you. You ask you so many questions coz I mean you were good together but you realize thats what you saw and not them. You never thought they would make that sacrifice. You finally decide to let go coz you realize at some point you were holding on and it was wrong. You turn a new page, "head for the road" and start living your life.
I've come to understand the importance of actually being on the same page. Especially on terms of interests, values and time. I've learnt its important to have same values rather than interests. We could both have same interests but different values changes many things. Interests can be compromised on but values not that much. Like if you both love hiking, you want to go hiking on a Saturday but it would be hard coz one of you has to go to church. You get? You want babies but he doesn't like kids but you both enjoy same hobbies. Also you might want to settle now but she's not yet ready for that..you won't force someone right? Timelines.
Breakups suck even if it was on good terms. It actually sucks more coz there's nothing really to be mad about. You can't hate them. You can't love them any less. If you think about it, its for the best. I mean where do people go when they say goodbye? You get over it and life goes on. It gets to the point you stop feeling sorry for the situation and actually be glad for your freedom.
There's no point of "fixing" something you know too well you can't fix. If its not fixable or rather if the other party is not willing to fix it, drop it there and leave it alone. With time you'll figure out how to stop stressing, how to live without them, and just let it shed off. Like dead skin..you know? Choose you first and do you. Sometimes you think to yourself, that if you were able to get something that legit and still lost it, then what's the point? Then I remember my mum's best advise "If you got something good and God took it away, then it means He's just about to give you something much much better."
To end this with the words of the great Onyango Otieno, "No matter how much you love or want someone, no amount of overcompensating or overstretching yourself will convince them to choose you if they're not ready. Even if y'all already dating."
"I know, you know, we know, you weren't down for forever and it's fine. I know, you know, we know, we weren't meant for each other and it's fine"
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