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Let me explain to you how the cycle goes:
You meet a guy,
You click,
You like him,
You fall for him 🙄
Everything is falling into place (according to you)
You two start dating
Fairy tale couple goals. Name it
Drama
Everything suddenly feels wrong
You suddenly realize he was not the prince charming you hoped for
Breakup
Delete pictures from social media
Become a motivational speaker
Theeeen...you meet a guy!
Back to square one. How many can relate? I bet all of you.
I personally I've met a couple of the "He's the one". Am here to tell you its all just a mentality.
I think most married women give us the wrong idea. You never really know he's the one till it hit you that he's on one knee. You see in your head, you have the feeling he's the one but all through out the process you are hoping that indeed he's "the one". True or False? If you think am just making it up, ask your married female friends. The ones who are real will tell you how it is.
"He's the one" is just a mentality. And that is what screws us up all the time. You meet a guy and you busy making wedding plans in your head and naming your twins before you even confirm if he's actually available or not! Pathetic. Usually the girl is the one who has the idea of "the one" We are so desperate (sorry am not sorry) into finding "the one" that every guy who comes our away who at least makes a potential, we automatically fit him into the title "he's the one" Then it doesn't work out and we become bitter. We put too much pressure on this man to make him fit the title that he can't even bare. The sad part is we don't even notice when we do this because we have brainwashed ourselves into thinking that a potential is "the one".
Anything potential is not legit. The moment I came to understand this, I changed my mentality about dating. Listen, for you to avoid heartbreaks, disappointments and forcing expectations on people, you have to erase the mentality of "the one". Its not easy but trust me it will save you a lot. I came up with a new mentality to help me with is, in that for every guy I meet, in my head he's taken, he's involved with someone or he's just being friendly. You will be shocked to find there are guys who fit in all three! This kinda mentality really helped me big time cause then whatever they did that seemed disappointing was not so much of a big deal. No expectations.
I think most of the time we are just lazy. No? If we can be honest with ourselves, we just into this idea (both male and female) because finding "the one" will make our lives easy. They have the attributes that fit perfectly for us so that we don't have to change or restructure ourselves. We can all agree that even yourself you do have toxic traits, that you know you should work on. But instead we want to put someone into the idea of them accepting "you as you are". You can meet a very good man or woman and hell yeah, it won't work out. Ladies we have been taught and advised so many times to pray for our future spouse even if we don't know who they are, which is great. But do we pray for ourselves, you know for guidance and spiritual help to mold us into the right fit to serve the other human as a spouse? We forget that part.
You see the moment you fit a man to be "the one" then you kinda of a slave to them cause you will tend to not react to every red flags. You choose to be blind to them. Why? You have idolized him into the idea of "the one". A reason why so many of us are stuck in relationships that don't really suit us. We compromise on things that we shouldn't even be compromising on. Love is a choice. If you think you will last with someone forever based on your feelings towards them , then you in for trouble. You have to make it a commitment. And you can only do that with your best friend, your teammate, your partner, someone who will choose you every single day. Same applies to you, you will have to make the choice of loving someone every day. Not an idea of them. The thing is you have the freedom to pick whoever you want instead of living on the social lies of "the one".
Its not about finding "the one", its about preparing yourself to be "the one"
God Bless!
xxx
(photocreds https://www.adriennegulliver.com/2018/07/27/finding-the-one/)
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