Some Things You Should Keep To Yourself; Like Your Potential Boyfriend.

(Photo courtesy: http://www.thegrindstone.com/)

For us ladies its obvious that we discuss these special species called men, in a variety of topics like the ones we like, the ones we are in a imaginary relationship with (Lol), the ones we dislike and how irritating they are and so forth. When you are seated in a group of ladies, men can't miss in the line of discussion. They always pop up in a way.

So just the other day I was catching up with a friend in town. We would always talk about anything and everything, considering also the fact that she doesn't stay in town. So when we meet its always fun and exciting. This is one friend I can say I talk to about everything in my life, even the stuff I would want to keep to myself I would still find myself opening up to her because she's just amazing in every way. Am one secretive person as per what people say. Events just unfold in my life and my friends would be left wondering like "when did that happen??" Its just me. Am more comfortable dealing with my own issues on my own as much as it is said a problem shared is half solved. Maybe or maybe not. Its more of advertising your miserable life to the whole world. A secret is no longer a secret nowadays once you tell someone else. Anyway, we were catching up about stuff happening in our lives and she started telling me how some of her friends can be so discriminating and judgmental. I was like what do you mean discriminating? And she was like every time they talk about men, they always seem to offer "wrong" advises or judgments.

Before she could even go on venting about these her friends, in my head I was like "Yeah girl tell me about it, I feel you." But its always good to offer a listening ear to a friend. At least give them the space to speak their heart out even if you already have an idea of what they are talking about. She was telling me about how every time she tells her friends about her new catch or potential kind of a boyfriend, they always have something negative to say or sound too judgmental. Okay, sometimes you can ask a friend for an opinion but its wise to first see how they feel about it or you can always ask first what they think so that you don't end up crashing them.

She went on giving me details on how they question about the things these guys do for her, the dates or even he's physical appearance and all that. Her main issue was that even if her friends had something positive to say they would still give negative comments about the detailed facts. Like if he's the type who takes centuries to reply texts, probably of he's dressing code, the kind of job he has or just other details about the guy and how he treats her. I do agree there are some traits people have that should be treated as red flags but you shouldn't always let other people do the vetting for you. I know us ladies love doing that. We would always spill everything to our girls and kinda let them do the deciding for us. Without even noticing.

You know the moment you let other people do your job, you even loose your own idea you had about this guy. Cause you will start considering your friends opinions and shut out someone that probably could have turned out to be the 'perfect' one. The same thing was actually happening to me some time back until I came to realize am the one considering dating this guy; not me plus my friends. Don't get me wrong. There's absolutely  nothing wrong with consulting with your girls, at times you need them to stick sense into your head. But for me it has a limit. I came to notice that every time I told my friends about a certain guy I've met, yeah they would be excited or not like him at all, which is fine, but the moment things didn't work out, they would be the first ones to tell me "I told you so!" (hate that phrase, who loves it anyway??) even though they didn't really say anything. Then start telling you stuff about the guy that showed he was not boyfriend material. It was always annoying for me and at times breaking considering the fact that I liked the guy. The worst part of it was that the cycle went on and on. To the point that they will be quick to tell you how it will end up.

So since then, I decided that if I met a guy I really like, I would first get to know him very well before my friends know about him. As in by the time they realize about him, am probably already so deep in love that they will have no space to change my mind. Its just a way of ensuring you make your own choices. Even if hes's so wrong, let it be you to decide that. Am not saying you should shut your friends out, no, just trying to tell you sometimes its you to make that choice of what your heart desires.

Once your circle knows whats going on, they will always keep on asking lots of questions and details in that at the moment you start dating this guy, they will be your panel of judges (you got no choice btw) of what happens in your relationship. You know sometimes I wonder why some girls tell their friends everything about her relationship as in literally everything. Seriously? I think we've had enough people tell you that sometimes its good to keep some stuff behind the curtains about your man. And if you really have to, identify one or two friends that you can really trust to talk to. You can always keep that one friend that you feel you can open to about anything.

All this also applies that moment you experiencing a nasty breakup. Let me tell you this is the time you will find yourself doing stupid stuff because you either didn't take the time to think or you let your girlfriends push you into acting childish and foolish which is the same as not thinking. This is the time they will start telling you how he can't just dump you like that or how could he mistreat you or how you have to go after that chic he has been cheating with then you find yourself doing things that even you yourself never thought you could be that awful. And yet sometimes, you are the reason for your misfortune. So in such situations always sit back, relax, think things over, solve the issue with the guy and even if the break up is so heartbreaking and ugly, let it be peaceful.Without involving your friends. Let them come in the picture when you need a shoulder to cry on and all that mushy stuff girls do to get over a break up.

You can always stick to one or two friends when you have issues in your life. People you can trust and easily confide in. Not your whole circle of a bunch of ladies who look like cheerleaders from a high school movie. No offence.

Its amazing to have friends. We all need friends to maintain a healthy social life. But be careful of the circle you keep. Small circle, less drama. True friends will never mislead you and will always have your back in any situation. And you don't need that much of friends to offer you that kind of friendship. Two is even enough. You know, like your inner circle that is kinda connected to your soul. If that makes sense.

So ladies, you want to introduce that guy you met a week ago to your friends? Just chill. They don''t need to know him yet.

God Bless!