You Want To Win Her Heart? Be Her Friend.

Just the other day I was with my girls and we were having "girl talk." You all know when ladies are together having "girl talk" its all about men. Okay like 90% the conversation will be about men. So usually  we will share about our dates and experiences we've  had about men. Stories about the dramas, treats, embarrassing moments, fun and also special moments will be the agenda for the get together.

I don't know about men in the old times but there is something about men nowadays. I haven't met many men to concur with what I noticed but from what ladies talk about then am sure my observations are right.

I met Zack (just an example) in a fundraising event through a mutual friend. After having a smooth chat with me, he found his way to requesting me for my number. Since he was not the bore type, handsome and his personality was okay; I didn't hesitate to give out my number. It was obvious that after that we would be talking frequently  through texts or calls. Now two weeks hasn't died yet since we met, Zack is  already pursuing me. We haven't met again since that event but Zack already likes me, not as a stranger which I still am but as a person he feels he should date.

How is it possible that within few minutes you had with this lady, you already have the revelation that she's the one?

If you watched Single Ladies season one, it was said that a man can tell within 15 minutes if that lady is marriage material or not. Just 15 minutes with her is enough to know. I don't how true that is but even if it is, men got to understand we not the same. The female species does not operate like that. For us things happen in stages. That's why she will always keep on telling you "Let's not rush about this"

It's not a bad thing to express your intentions but there is a way on how to do it. Am sure you've watched lots of movies and if you keen you can learn various things from them. When a guy gets attracted to a lady, he will ask her out. They go on a first date..second..third..just like that and the guy wouldn't mention anything about having a future together or getting married (like how most of you do). He's giving himself time to get to know this lady better. Just as the same way, he's offering this lady time to get to know him better. And in some way, everything will just fall into place if it was meant to be.

All this time, he's giving her signs that he likes her not just as a person but probably as someone he could have a future with. Signs actually will speak more sense than just words. Men are smart. If you are good at studying the lady you pursuing, then it wouldn't be so hard to express yourself and your feelings to her. Besides, what if just after a while you get bored with her? It happens. Maybe you just fell for looks or class. Or maybe something about her will put you off. Until when you start digging in on her personality and who she really is, is when you will realise you jumped into the trap yourself.

I believe in the power of friendship. A man who is willing to be a friend has a greater chance than a guy who just started the chase out of nowhere. Of course there is that risk of being friend zoned but if you sure she's likes you the same way then your game is right. "There is no better feeling than getting married to your best friend" as many couples put it. Which I feel is true. Let her like you as a friend. A friend is someone you can open up to, you can rely on, you can laugh with, you can share a lot with and appreciate each other in different ways.

So if you want to win a lady's heart, be her friend first.

You just don't meet a lady and start bombarding her with stories of getting married or dating. Who told you if already you sure about her within three days then she will for sure go with your flow? It doesn't work that way my dear. Don't expect her to be on the same page with you immediately unless she's a gold digger or a lady just happy with joking around with you. The problem is you men just want an easy chase. You are not willing to 'sweat' to get her. For some it works but for the sake of that relationship; build on friendship first.

Nothing comes easy! You have to work for it; not using short cuts but through the high way.

When she loves you as a friend first, then she will easily fall in love with you if she likes you. Even through it all, you will only be comfortable with your friend. Friendship creates that platform to learn so much about this person. People get to be more real and open when they are friends. But when you set the mind set that you want her as more than just friends from the beginning, chances are she will not be that open with the fear of you withdrawing (if she likes you) if you get to know about some of her flaws.

You will also be saving yourself from that small heart ache when she ends up telling you "Sorry but I can't be with you. Lets just be friends" Ouch. I know right? But when you start of as friends, with time you will know if she likes you the same way or just as a friend. It's easy to tell from how she treats you, talks to you and all that.

Now when most men feel like they are running out of time, they start chasing after potentials that seem to be wife material. Forgetting that this woman probably doesn't want to get married at his intended time. We have our plans too. We have goals. So you just can't come and distract everything thinking we will fall for your short timed 'proposal'. Step by step and if you two are meant to be, you two will certainly get there at the right time.

If you want to win her heart, be a friend first. A relationship built on strong friendship lasts longer.

God bless!